Dream into the Sunshine

 I was in one of my lectures, trying my best to focus on what the professor was saying, but nothing was sinking into my head. At that moment, I felt a rush of unease in my body. My chest tightened, my heart started racing, and a strange dizziness began to overtake me. It was getting difficult to see; it felt like my eyes were covered by a fog. I couldn’t stand being in the lecture hall anymore. In a flash, I was curled up with my knees to my chest, crying on the floor. I don’t know how I managed to get to my room. I couldn’t breathe and thought I wouldn’t make it to tomorrow. I lay on the floor for what felt like an eternity until I mustered the courage to move but I still couldn't understand why this was happening to me. I felt paralyzed, like everything seemed to shut down in front of my eyes. Suddenly, the room began to spin. My breath came in shallow gasps, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get enough air. My heart pounded, my hands tingled, and a suffocating dread flo...

Some days, I miss you so much that my chest feels heavy, like a thousand kilos are weighing me down. When you said, "I like the pain in love. That feeling is beautiful," I immediately replied, "Me too," without thinking twice. I was wrong. I hate this feeling. I don’t like the pain it’s causing me. Some days are better than others...some days, I feel like I can walk past you and feel nothing, but other days, I’m lying on my bathroom floor, shattered. I remember the night I called you over and over because I was having panic attacks, and you chose not to answer. I cried until I couldn’t breathe, lying there, convinced it was all my fault. I'm not trying to blame you. I just happen to feel all these conflicting emotions at once. Nothing could ever make me hate you, not even you. You always said I could forget you exist, but a part of you would always remain inside me. You were the calm to my storm, the peace to my chaos. I didn’t know where to turn when you were g...

Three days following the vibrant celebration of Shivaratri, Pashupati continued to pulsate with life, an eternal heartbeat of devotion and fervour. Amidst the naked Babas smeared in the sacred ashes of firewood, there existed a palpable sense of transition, a knowing that their time within these hallowed grounds was drawing to a close. For me, Pashupati holds an allure, beckoning with its potent blend of hope and positivity, an atmosphere thick with the essence of faith that seeps into the soul. Yet, amidst the devotion,  you know what I love the most? People. I'm all about observing them. Everyone's like the main character in their movie, you feel me? Each person's got their own unique story, and I lowkey wish I could be a tiny part of all of them. It's wild to see how devoted people are to a God whose existence ain't even confirmed. But it's in their eyes, man, that hope? It's everything. There's this energy, this connection, as if we're all in it ...

Every time you like someone, it arrives with the freshness of a morning dew, it carries a sense of newness and spark of hope that this might be different this time.  There is a movie called, " kabir Singh. " I would like to believe you guys have watched it. There is this line in that movie that's stuck with me: I like the way you breathe. It's strange and embarrassing to admit that I found comfort in rhythm of his breath. We often slept on the phone together, and in quite of night his breathing become reminder that someone is there, a presence that brought me solace. I always knew our paths don't align. Our dreams and desires do not lead to future together. But still I wanted a little more time with him. Though our paths have separated for the best I still wanna hold on to the memory of him as something meaningful and sweet.  I always say he is my bittersweet experience. Today, I wanna set aside the criticisms and shortcomings. Today, I want to focus on my feeling...

I’ve been thinking for some days, maybe months. Yeah, I don’t know what exactly I’m thinking. Okay, It’s overthinking.  Thanks to overthinking, I randomly remembered that I hadn’t posted anything in my blog post in a long time. So, I thought, why not? Let’s write overthinking.  As much as it hurts my ego to accept, I feel super alone these days. It feels like old relations are just fading away. Being an extremist, I can’t balance out my emotions, so making new relationships. It’s not happening as well. I’m having a mid-life crisis in my twenties. I always dreamt of doing something extraordinary, and it’s not happening. Let’s leave being extraordinary aside, not even doing something ordinary. Enough of motivational videos and motivational speakers saying it’s okay simply to exist. Yeah, you guys are earning millions, millions of people know you,  and I’m supposed to chill because I’m doing a great job by existing.  Every day my notebooks stare at me, and I stare at th...

  “ I’m broke” has been my go to line lately. My answer to every other question ends with a simple answer,” I’m broke.” Broke physically? yeah Broke mentally? Very much!!! Kay, what about finance? Can't even afford mentos right now. Try to find a solution?  Nah. Let me take a nap.  I can do it better.               When I was in my early teens I thought I would have been a millionaire by the time I’m in my twenties. Okay okay, not a millionaire but at least a thousandaire. But here I’m about to complete two long decades on the earth without earning a single penny. And it sucks. Do you know what sucks more than this? Thought that after a decade I will be in my thirties and after another decade I will be in my forties, then fifties, then sixties, then... Okay, I gotta stop here. Otherwise, I’ll be cutting my ticket to heaven(Gotta assume well about myself) today only. Somewhere I read something like,” I‘m too ...