Dream into the Sunshine

 I was in one of my lectures, trying my best to focus on what the professor was saying, but nothing was sinking into my head. At that moment, I felt a rush of unease in my body. My chest tightened, my heart started racing, and a strange dizziness began to overtake me. It was getting difficult to see; it felt like my eyes were covered by a fog. I couldn’t stand being in the lecture hall anymore. In a flash, I was curled up with my knees to my chest, crying on the floor. I don’t know how I managed to get to my room. I couldn’t breathe and thought I wouldn’t make it to tomorrow. I lay on the floor for what felt like an eternity until I mustered the courage to move but I still couldn't understand why this was happening to me. I felt paralyzed, like everything seemed to shut down in front of my eyes. Suddenly, the room began to spin. My breath came in shallow gasps, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get enough air. My heart pounded, my hands tingled, and a suffocating dread flo...

Some days, I miss you so much that my chest feels heavy, like a thousand kilos are weighing me down. When you said, "I like the pain in love. That feeling is beautiful," I immediately replied, "Me too," without thinking twice. I was wrong. I hate this feeling. I don’t like the pain it’s causing me. Some days are better than others...some days, I feel like I can walk past you and feel nothing, but other days, I’m lying on my bathroom floor, shattered. I remember the night I called you over and over because I was having panic attacks, and you chose not to answer. I cried until I couldn’t breathe, lying there, convinced it was all my fault. I'm not trying to blame you. I just happen to feel all these conflicting emotions at once. Nothing could ever make me hate you, not even you. You always said I could forget you exist, but a part of you would always remain inside me. You were the calm to my storm, the peace to my chaos. I didn’t know where to turn when you were g...